Convenient Odin-Sleep
by Blondygirly98
Summary: Loki has questions. AU where Loki is thirteen and Thor is a bit older and has "experience." Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. There will be no demonstrations . . . but there's an idea. No slash in THIS story, guys. Reviews feed my self-esteem, just to let you know. Oneshot.


**A/N This is not the next chapter of Stony All The Way, nor is this the next chapter of Texting Trickery, but I AM working on a lot of stories, so please forgive me. Hopefully this will appease you until my next update, which will not be in the following two weeks because of revision and exams. **

**I saw this one Thor funny where Thor asks Odin for money, and then Loki asks for money and Odin falls into "Odin sleep" to avoid giving Loki money and it inspired me to write this random one-shot. **

**I know that by thirteen Loki would know about basic anatomy, but if I made them ten years old, Thor wouldn't exactly have had any "experience". **

**So in this story, Loki knows basic anatomy, but as he is a curious person he has questions. When Thor offers no help, who better to go to than dear old father?**

"Thor, do girls also have hair on their genitals?"

Joyful chatter at the table ceases almost immediately, as Loki's question quickly registers in their minds. Throughout dinner, Loki has been silent, and is usually silent unless spoken to. So suddenly coming out with a question is a rare thing for Loki, but coming out with a question like _that_ is most surprising to Thor and the "Warriors Three."

"Would you care to repeat that, brother, as I do not quite understand?" Thor asks politely, and Fandral nudges the blonde with a chuckle.  
"I was merely wondering if girls have hair on their genitals as do we." Loki repeats slowly, shooting suspicious glances at Thor's friends, who are trying unsuccessfully to stifle their laughter.  
"Well, brother, I do not know why you are asking me, as I am no lady." Thor chuckles. "Why do you not simply ask Sif? For she is a girl."

"Thor!" Sif kicks him under the table, while the others give up and laugh without restraint.  
"I would rather take my chances with the Frost Giants," Loki replies coolly with a stony expression, as Sif acts mock insulted and pretends to throw her knife at the dark haired boy, who does not even flinch.  
"Thor, you have experience with such matters, do you not?" Loki again turns to his brother, after deciding that Sif shall not provide an answer to his question.  
"Loki," Thor leans in and whispers, "Best not discuss "such matters" while mother and father are seated at our very table."

Loki looks past Thor to the end of the table where their parents sit, eating and talking with their own friends.

"Well, then I shall go to father with my question." Loki stands, and when Sif snorts with laughter, he says, "I congratulate you, Sif, on your restrained, lady-like behaviour."

He says this sarcastically and with a humourless smile, but Sif merely stabs her buffalo and eats it straight off her knife, ergo supporting Loki's comment.  
"Loki, do you think that a good idea? Asking our _father_ these types of questions? Have you forgotten what happened last time?" Thor quickly asks, as Loki goes to walk by.  
"Unless you are willing to share your experiences of bedding women, yes, I think it is a good idea, because how else are my questions going to be answered?" Loki replies, and then continues walking to the head of the table where the king of Asgard is seated, eating a leg of some sort of animal that is unrecognisable to Loki as Odin has almost demolished the whole thing.

"Father." Loki stands by his chair, politely waiting for him to finish speaking.  
"Loki, my boy, I assume you want to confess to your latest trickery?" Odin puts down his meat and wipes his mouth on a serviette, as his friends and Loki's mother laugh.

"No, father, I seek knowledge in a particular matter that Thor and his friends seem incapable of discussing, as they appear to lack the required maturity for such a question." Loki explains, pursing his lips slightly.

"And what question might that be?" Odin prompts, turning in his chair to properly face his youngest son.  
"Father," Loki raises his chin slightly, "do maidens have hair on their genitals as do us men?"

Well, if Loki ever needs to quieten a whole roomful of people, that is the question to say, rather loudly, as Loki has just done so that his father may hear him over the many voices in the room.  
"Loki . . ."

"I know that a female's genitals differ from a male's, so this has led me to believe that it is only males who have hair on their genitals, but as I am not sure, I thought I'd come to you with my question, as you are wise and must know of such things." Loki explains honestly, with an inquisitive look.  
"Well, son . . ." Odin quickly glances at his wife, who also looks slightly panicked at the sudden, personal question from their youngest son. "I . . ." Odin stands up and slowly pushes back his chair. "I feel unwell."

Just as Frigga also stands, Odin collapses on the ground, Loki quickly crouching down and shaking the king.

"Father!" Loki cries, as Odin does not wake.  
"I fear that it is the Odin sleep." His mother explains, joining him by Odin's side. One of the men at the table hears this and suddenly booms, "The king has fallen into Odin sleep!"

His voice echoes through the room, but nobody panics or reacts greatly to this news. In fact, they carry on eating, and gossiping.  
"Again?"  
"Does that not make this the third time this week?"  
"Did one of his boys ask where babies come from again?"  
"I do believe it was about genitals, this time."

"Brother, have you learned from your mistake now?" Thor asks his younger brother with an amused smile, as they wander out of Odin's chambers after helping their mother get their father to his bed.  
"Oh, I am glad father's misfortune amuses you so." Loki snaps, but this does not faze his older brother.  
"Misfortune? Father will have a nice nap and awake refreshed. His Odin-sleep has never been cause for alarm." Thor states.  
"That is true." Loki agrees with a soft sigh. "But shall my question remain unanswered forever?"

"There is another wise person you could ask." Thor pipes up.  
"And whom might that be?"  
"Why, Heimdall of course."

After several minutes, Frigga pokes her head outside and sees her boys have left, so she quickly shuts the doors and ducks back inside.  
"They have left." Frigga says, poking her husband. Odin opens his eye and smiles, "Loki's questions get more awkward to answer every time."  
"Yes, but you cannot fall into convenient Odin-sleep every time one of our boys asks a question about the facts of life, otherwise who will they turn to for advice?" Frigga reasons.

"Loki! How dare you!" A thunderous voice suddenly bellows – the young boy's name echoing throughout all the nooks and crannies of Asgard. Frigga shoots her husband a worrying look, to which Odin merely shrugs and says, "You should probably talk to Heimdall."  
"Me? Why should _I_?" She frowns.

"I am in Odin-sleep, remember?" Odin closes his eye again, a peaceful and smug smile on his lips as his wife shakes her head, but nonetheless goes to calm Heimdall down and prevent him from jumping off the rainbow bridge in a suicidal attempt to avoid giving the young prince The Talk, as he has been known to do in the past.


End file.
